Expect the unexpected, you can never be relaxed with chronic pain
admin 7 May, 2010
How are you feeling today? Oh, you’re quite fine I see. But I’d recommend you take a bat and be alerted. Why? Because there’s another fast ball coming at you, and it’s better to be ready. Of course, you don’t have push yourself, but you’ll be sorry later. Whenever you meet new people, it is hard to explain the situation you’re in. After some situations like that you just get tired of explaining your problems all over again, you should do it, but you think there’s no point. That is one of the reasons people don’t understand what we’re going through. I also met with people who just did not believe us. Maybe the life we’re picturing is too scary to imagine and they don’t want to believe something like that could happen. It’s like we’re scaring them with our explanations.
I’ve been sick for more than 20 years already, and I can’t even count the times I wanted to vanish off the earth or hide in a place no one would find me. When I mention it, I remember an old movie about a boy in a bubble. I’d love to run away, but I can’t see it happening. There is no way I could get rid of my problems by running, they lie in my body and I can’t just leave my body, can I? We should be with other people, share our lives, but there are some times that we should reconsider it.
I mean times that we detest, when we’re out of physical and mental strength. Those are times when after dealing with one problem we stumble upon another. It might be an emotional challenge, maybe a new physical ailment or complication from a treatment you had gone through. Trying to save your life is a hard thing to do, especially when you have chronic pains. Life cannot be predicted, it hurts the most to have a problem appear just after the previous was finally dealt with. I wish I could be like cartoon characters. I remember an old Bugs Bunny cartoon about baseball. It had a lot of bats and balls of different sizes, good and bad players. There was a lot of crushing, hitting and pounding, but they always morphed back to shape after a hit. If only we could do the same so easily. Unfortunately in real life things work differently, we have limited strength and resources.
Our world is a harsh one, there are lots of people who do not and no matter how hard you try, will not understand what it takes to struggle for your life each day. It makes me sad that some of those people work as medical staff, be it doctors or nurses. Of course a lot of them is understanding, at least they try to imagine what we’re going through, but others will just think of you as a crank who lists a lot of problems in their health history. I worked with people like that and it makes me sad they were working in the medical field. I understand that there are lots of people in the hospital emergency rooms who claim to be ten times sicker than they really are, but I bet some just are really sick. When you visit a doctor you can tell if he is working because of a passion or it’s just his job. You can see dedicated doctors right away. They will treat you differently.
I noticed a disturbing thing as well. I’ve mentioned health problems to so many doctors by now that I was bound to be given some stupid answers. Some of them blame the patient for being sick. It really makes my blood boil. I know that lots of people who suffer from a rheumatoid disease have been eating well, did not overuse alcohol or smoke. They are people who loved themselves and lived smartly. The disease came like a thunder from a clear sky. No one expected it. I think that we’re ill because our faulty DNA, therefore we have to live lives with a lot of handicap. It is already hard and I certainly do not need an idiot who tells me I got sick because I wasn’t eating my veggies.
When your life is being bombarded with problems you can’t dodge them all. There are the problems simply stack and come at you all at once, at such times all you can do is to lie down and try waiting it all out. There is no point in struggling if there’s too much of the problems. I really don’t like that kinds of days. I’m feeling lousy and want the day to be over as soon as possible. There seem to be too many such days in my life. And the problem with my body is I can’t do much when everything works against me. I try doing what I can to survive but there is no manual for such times. You have to work things out yourselves.
If you have a bad memory or just want to be on the safe side, take notes on your health state. If you feel bad, than try a new thing to make it better and it works, write it down. That way you won’t try useless methods if you know one that actually works. Gathering instructions you get from a physical therapist is also good. Certain exercises can help certain body parts. Apart from that there’s the food, write down all the recipes that are tasty and good for your health. Keep in mind not to include anything that might have pesticides or chemicals.
I heard that adversity makes you stronger, if that were true, we all could be called superheroes. Sometimes I get a feeling that I gather enough wisdom and grow depths that I could just implode. When I remember the carefree days I used to have it makes me wish I could go back to them. The days when I had petty problems, like what nail polish color should I use, what to cook for dinner, when to do the shopping or if the kids would be home by curfew.
Life with Chronic Pain Blog
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